So today I went to my second "New Moms Network" class where new moms meet weekly to learn parenting tidbits form community health nurses. Well, Calvin started the class off by defying gravity and shitting upwards. Yes - all the way past the edge of his diaper and up to his shoulder blades. I only noticed it 15 mins later as I was trying to nurse him (as he was trying to tear my nipple off with his dagger-like gums - don't even get me started on this) and peaked down into my stupid nursing cape to discover that he had basically hot-boxed himself in. We instantly became the "Stinky Baby" people that I have always feared being labeled as. We then spent the next 20 mins changing his diaper in the corner only to discover that I had not brought enough wipes and literally had to wipe the remaining shit off his back with his soiled sleeper. Oh - and while I was changing him he decided to pee all over himself, myself and the change pad. Did I mention we had no wipes at this point? And to top it all off, I went to put on his spare sleeper from the diaper bag only to discover that he had grown out of it. So, now I have a stinky baby in a too-small sleeper being carried around by the stinky mommy who hadn't even brushed her hair before she left the house. I was certain Social Services would be waiting for us when we got home.
Alas, Social Services was not there. But you know who was.... Projectile Pukey Quincey. Yup. Projectile puked repeatedly over the course of the next 3 hours which of course, scared the shit out of me. So, I have spent the last 3 hours trying to feed a baby who insists that she's starving, but is unable to keep anything down, and taking her temperature between each feed certain that I will look down at the thermometer to find a reading of "You Are The Worst Mother in the World". There is still shit on my pants from Calvin's earlier performance, there is literally dried up breast milk in my hair from Quincey's latest episode and the house is drenched in spit up and tears.
Lord, Lord, Lord give me strength. And, KaDo - if I could I would hop on a plane to LA to babysit for you so you could enjoy one glorious night out, because I can only imagine how badly you must need it.
On the up side - at least we have each other.
Thanks for the ear. I love you all.
~ Mrs. K
Alas, Social Services was not there. But you know who was.... Projectile Pukey Quincey. Yup. Projectile puked repeatedly over the course of the next 3 hours which of course, scared the shit out of me. So, I have spent the last 3 hours trying to feed a baby who insists that she's starving, but is unable to keep anything down, and taking her temperature between each feed certain that I will look down at the thermometer to find a reading of "You Are The Worst Mother in the World". There is still shit on my pants from Calvin's earlier performance, there is literally dried up breast milk in my hair from Quincey's latest episode and the house is drenched in spit up and tears.
Lord, Lord, Lord give me strength. And, KaDo - if I could I would hop on a plane to LA to babysit for you so you could enjoy one glorious night out, because I can only imagine how badly you must need it.
On the up side - at least we have each other.
Thanks for the ear. I love you all.
~ Mrs. K
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